A difficult period of much alcohol consumption, probably contracting some sort of STD and trying your best to come out of 2014 with a slither of dignity.

Wednesday, 21 January 2015

8 Things Every Student Will See During Freshers

"It's 4.38am on a Thursday morning. A feral student has just ran past you with no trousers on frantically waving a takeaway box with an unnamed food substance inside. There's smashed bottles of Tesco value vodka lacing the streets and a pile of vomit is staring you directly in the face. Another student falls precariously off the curb in front of you as you slowly hiccup, laugh, then stumble around them. Tonight you have danced with strangers, fist pumped with acquaintances and probably pulled your next door neighbour to the romantic symphony of Calvin Harris's 'Summer' playing in the background. Tonight is your first night of Freshers."

After careful deliberation, discussion and recalling memories I'd tried so hard to forget; I have concocted a list of 8 things every Fresher will come across at some point or another during those first moments at university.

1. The 'Sleeping' Student 

Now don't get me wrong, sleeping students are by no means a revelation. It's actually more likely for us to be asleep than awake. But never in your life will you have seen so many people passed out in such unconventional places. Corridors, benches, floors of a club, standing up, your halls stairway, in a tree, in a bin. Anywhere you can think of, it's been used as a snoozing area. Most of the time these 'naps' are the result of strawpedo-ing 10 beers to prove to your new flat mates how much of a top guy you are. 

But that's okay, we have all the respect in the world for those fallen soldiers and will always make time to take a few snap shots of such a beautiful moment. 

2. The One Who Acts Like They've Never Touched Alcohol Before 

They may come as solo travelers. 
They may come in packs.
They may even stumble into you thinking you're their friend.
But every Freshers undoubtedly has their own. 

The concepts of alcohol and it's ability to... well... get you drunk, do not under any circumstances register in this persons brain. If this happens to be your mate, sit back, relax and get ready to mop up the sick later. 

3. The Infamous Trolley 

Some may call it a trolley, some may call it a shopping cart but for the average Fresher these wonders double up as your transportation home for the evening. If it isn't you in the super speedy vehicle, you find yourself cheering on the fellows crashing past you at approximately 3mph until inevitably hitting a curb and spilling onto the pavement. 

Now every time you do your Tesco shopping you can't look at a trolley without wanting to 'Whacky Racers' style it down aisle 12. 

4. The Walk of Shamers

Last nights clothing, that delicious look of confusion and a waft of regret. They keep their eyes to the ground and walk back and forth between flats a few times before remembering where they live and what their name is.

Above: this Leftover Monster seems to rolling
around on the floor to save his precious findings, cute. 

5. The Leftover Monster

Taking university life fully in their stride the Leftover Monster will destroy your 3 day old McDonald's chips... and have no shame in doing so. 

6. Freshers Flu

It's one of those things that before being a student you laughed at with despair. Obviously such a fucking stupid concept couldn't amount to reality, right? WRONG. You arrive to your first lectures and are greeted by a cacophony of hungover, unwashed teenagers spluttering on your unopened notebook. At first you turn to them with disgust, then before you know it you're wiping your dribbling nose on the sleeve of your jumper. Sexy.

"I'm not even on this course I've just come
for the BEVVIES"

7. The One Who Took Advantage Of The Free Alcohol

Hats off to this person. They're stumbling around your 'Meet and Greet' harboring a minimum of 4 glasses of wine under their arms. Safety precautions of course, the free alcohol will run out at some point. 

8. Tesco Value Fancy Dress

As we come to learn, there really is no shame in Tesco value products. However, when we apply the same budget to fancy dress events, the outcome is much (much) worse than a 42p pack of toilet roll. From males in thongs on initiations to socials gone wrong, 'tesco value fancy dress' really epitomises the struggle students have with these nights. 

The dress code: Smurf

The student: 'I'm going to get my mate to rub a blue crayon over some parts of my body and then shove a nappy on my head' 

The dress code: Back To School

The student (FEMALE): 'I'll wear a skirt so short you'll hardly be able to see it, put my hair in bunches and wear shit loads of makeup'

The student (MALE): 'I fucking love uni' 

The dress code: Beach Party

The student (FEMALE): 'A bikini will do'

The student (MALE): 'I fucking love uni.'

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Aspiring baby journalist, starting with a low key blog, mostly blogging for fun and because my social life depends on funds I do not have.
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