A difficult period of much alcohol consumption, probably contracting some sort of STD and trying your best to come out of 2014 with a slither of dignity.

Thursday, 27 June 2013

Preparing yourself for the upcoming

So, for most it seems Summer has indefinitely started. Although the realms of education are still overhanging upon the shoulders of most, the fun has arrived. I have already found myself waking up, half an hour late for work, with the glorious sunshine peeking through the curtains and proceeding to grumpily shuffle over to shut out the day to save my poor little head from hurting any more; vodka shots with no hands only seems fun when you're dancing on the bar with the delightful lady dressed as a cat.

You need to be prepared for any situations your alcohol-influenced self has to throw at you, like squatting behind a lampost at 3am because it was more hilarious than necessary, please remember your friends have cameras. Surely a trip to the toilet cannot be that hard, if Bear Grylls can make a tent out of pubic hair or whatever he does these days, then this should be a breeze. Also, waking up to a hundred text messages from your Mother along the lines of 'WHAT IS THAT PICTURE OF YOU ON FACEBOOK?!' 'DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS AND UNLADYLIKE THAT IS, YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ARRESTED!' is never really worth it.

However much it seems to be true, it is extremely important to remember that although tequila is your new best friend, you have not morphed into Beyonce, Lady Gaga or anything even remotely similar. In reality, with your hair slapped to your head and your mascara smeared across your face, you more resemble Jack Black after his final performance in School of Rock. After having someone approach me in a club and ask whether I was having a seizure, it seemed time to throw away my Beyonce dreams. Keep dance movements to a minimum, a little shimmy here and there and a casual 'I throw my hands up in the air sometimes..' has seemed to work a lot better than dropping to the floor to begin a new career as a member of Diversity. If you know you can do it, when drunk, then please by all means flaunt it.. But for the average drunken monkey, it isn't a fabulous idea.

8 weeks. That's a lot of days, even more hours and definitely more beer. Food is important, it seems even more so when you're the only one willing to venture to the takeaway and all your savage-like friends are waiting for you to bring back that lovely tray of doner meat to devour. But if you're on a week slash weekend slash 8 week bender, takeaways aren't gonna give you that bikini bod you want. Sometimes a big bowl of fruit for breakfast can give you the vitamins you need to feel slightly less like you've been squashed between SuBo's bum cheeks, and not make you pile on the pounds either!

Being in teenage years, we all find ourselves lodged in that fantastically unbalanced juggle of work and play. Play obviously being the more vital component to the cycle, as I've found myself many a time running out of work with my t-shirt over my head and knee skidding down the road in celebration whilst Katy Perry's 'fireworks' plays in my head. You look forward to being able to go and not have to sing on a street corner with your hat on the floor so you can afford a spray of perfume from the delightful toilet lady. But we all know how hard it is to drag yourself up and out when you've woken up in the arse-end of no where, with half of your dress on and spooning a bottle of whiskey.

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Aspiring baby journalist, starting with a low key blog, mostly blogging for fun and because my social life depends on funds I do not have.
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